A Song That Became My Story

Back in 1967, The Beatles released “When I’m 64.” Written by Paul McCartney when he was still in his early 20s, the tune was lighthearted, whimsical, a playful take on aging and companionship:

“When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?”

For decades, that song was just another catchy Beatles number for me. Fun. Nostalgic. Something to hum along to. But yesterday, I turned 64—and suddenly, those lyrics were not just about “someday.” They were my reality.

And I will tell you this: reaching 64 has been no stroll down Penny Lane. It has been a long and winding road filled with sickness, exhaustion, setbacks, prayers, and miracles. A road that should have ended years ago but did not—because God wasn’t finished with me yet.

2021: The Day the Music Almost Died

Before I even turned 60, prostate cancer ambushed my life. It caused a blockage that destroyed my kidneys. My creatinine level shot up to 26.

As if that weren’t enough, I was hit with sepsis—a raging blood infection—and C. diff, an intestinal infection that can devastate even the healthiest body.

Cancer. Kidney failure. Sepsis. C. diff. Four knockout punches, all at once.

The doctors were grim. Most people would not survive even one of those. I was battling four.

Lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to machines, I could not help but think of the Beatles singing “Help!”

“Help me if you can, I’m feeling down,
And I do appreciate you being round.”

I was down, but I was not out. And I was not alone. God was there. His grace pulled me through. I am convinced that He whispered: Not yet. I still need you here.

Dialysis: Life on the Machine

The damage to my kidneys was permanent. Dialysis became my lifeline.

Three days a week. Hours at a time. A machine cleaning my blood because my own body no longer could.

Dialysis is a strange blessing. Without it, I would not be alive. With it, I am alive—but tethered. Every week, my time is carved into pieces. My energy ebbs away with each treatment. Simple pleasures like travel, spontaneity, even a night out with friends must be planned around “the chair.”

The Beatles once sang in “A Hard Day’s Night”:
“I’ve been working like a dog.”

Well, I have been surviving like a prisoner. But here is the truth: dialysis has not beaten me. Every time I walk out of that clinic, drained but upright, I remind myself: I am still here. I am still breathing. I am still fighting.

Because if there is one thing life has taught me, it is that I am one resilient, tough SOB.

Radiation: The Other Front of the War

As if dialysis were not enough, cancer demanded a second battle.

In 2022, I began 45 consecutive days of radiation treatments. Every afternoon, I lay still while a machine delivered its invisible fire.

But here is what made that year almost unbearable: the overlap.

Dialysis in the mornings. Radiation in the afternoons.

Three days a week, I would wake up knowing I would be hooked to the dialysis machine for hours, drained until my bones ached. Then, instead of going home to rest, I would gather what scraps of strength I had left and drag myself to radiation.

Exhaustion does not even begin to describe it. It was not just tired—it was soul-deep fatigue. My body was waging two wars on two fronts. I was fighting cancer with one hand and kidney failure with the other.

The Beatles might have put it best in “Carry That Weight”:
“Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time.”

And I did. Every single day, for 45 days straight.

But here is the miracle: I carried it. And I did not drop it. Because God gave me strength, even when I thought I had none left.

The Transplant Hurdle

Dialysis sustains me, but it is not freedom. The goal is a transplant.

That road, though, is its own battlefield. Endless testing. Bureaucratic hurdles. The waitlist that feels eternal. Even with my A+ blood type, finding a match is complicated.

Some days it feels like living “Across the Universe,” waiting for the stars to align. Other days, it feels like the transplant process itself is “The Long and Winding Road.”

But I refuse to quit. I know God will provide—in His time, in His way. Maybe through a direct donor. Maybe through the kidney swap program where one person’s gift unlocks a chain of life-saving surgeries.

Until then, I keep showing up. Keep surviving. Keep carrying that weight.

Gratitude: God’s Hand in My Journey

When I look back, I see the hospital bed in 2021, the infections, the endless dialysis sessions, the radiation room, and the tears I fought to hold back. I see despair—and I see grace.

God was there in every moment. He gave me another sunrise when I should not have had one. He gave me the stubborn will to keep going when my body wanted to quit. He put nurses, doctors, and friends in my path who carried me when I could not carry myself.

The Beatles asked, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?”

The answer is yes. God still needs me here. He still feeds me with strength. And He has plans for me that go beyond machines and hospital rooms.

The Cost of Staying Alive

Survival, though, comes with a steep price tag. Dialysis. Radiation. Medications. Tests. Hospitalizations. Even with insurance, the bills pile up like snowdrifts in a storm.

And it is not just the medical costs. It has lost income. It’s opportunities missed. It is the toll illness takes on every corner of life.

That is why I have launched my Help, Hope, Live campaign. It is not easy for me to ask—but I cannot do this alone. Every donation helps me keep fighting, keep pushing forward, keep dreaming of the day I can live without dialysis.

👉 [Help Hope Live Campaign Link] https://helphopelive.org/campaign/25165/

Looking Ahead: Love, Life, and Joy

Turning 64 is not the end of my story—it is the start of a new chapter.

I do not want to just survive. I want to live.

I want to date again. I want love. I want marriage. I want to laugh, to dance, to sit across from someone special and feel whole again.

The Beatles had it right: “All you need is love.” And that is what I am chasing now—love, joy, and happiness.

Lessons at 64

At this milestone, here is what I know:

  • I am one resilient, tough SOB. Life has thrown its worst at me, and I am still here.
  • God’s grace is the only reason I have survived. He carried me through when my strength ran out.
  • Gratitude changes everything. Every day alive is a gift.
  • Hope is my anchor. Without it, the weight would crush me. With it, I keep going.

Conclusion: A Beatles Refrain, A Life Reframed

“When I’m 64” was meant as a joke, a playful look at old age. But for me, it is no joke. It is a victory anthem.

I am here. Alive. Grateful. Tough.

I have carried the weight of dialysis, radiation, cancer, and exhaustion stacked on exhaustion. I have fought battles most do not survive. And through it all, God has kept me standing.

So I will ask, just like the Beatles did:

“Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?”

The answer is yes. God still needs me. Life still feeds me. And love—well, I believe love is waiting for me in this next chapter.

And I am ready.

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