Three years ago today I lost my mother. It was June 7, 2020.

Many different memories are going through my mind as I wind my way through this day.

There are the memories of when I was a little boy, and my mom would bake cupcakes for me to bring to school. Usually in elementary school our classes had two moms that were our parent’s representatives for the year. My mom participated in the PTA throughout my time in school.

I remember visiting my mom in her house in Cutchogue, New York. She lived about 2 miles from the shore and would always have a beach sticker on her car so we could head out for an afternoon at the beach. Now since my mom lived on the North Fork of Long Island, we had a choice to go to the Sound beaches on the North Shore, or the Bay Beach right down the street from her house. I always liked going to the Bay beach.

My mom was feisty, and as she got older, she did not mince her words. She had a good heart but did not suffer fools lightly.

What can you say when you think about the loss of your greatest fan?

She always supported me in everything I did. When I decided to go back to school to get my Masters degree in my late 40s, she thought it was a great idea. You must stay on the forefront of your career path. She could not come to my graduation, but she watched on television from her local library.

When I was in my undergraduate years, my dad passed away when I was a sophomore. I had never really thought about my parents dying, and when it happened it completely rocked my world. My studies suffered and I was in a state of grief for a prolonged period of my college years. My mother was so angry with me when I told her I needed to stay an extra year to get my diploma. I did not do well in my undergraduate years and finished with a 2.47 GPA.

Over the past few years prior to her death, I was my mother’s caregiver. We had many heart-to-heart conversations as I was at her assisted living facility daily. During one of our conversations, I finally explained to her that my 2.47 was really a personal 4.0. My father’s death had affected me so completely that just getting through to graduation was an endeavor. My mother looked at me teary-eyed and understood finally what I had been going through.

I miss my mother’s counsel. I know that my health battles would have been too much for her to deal with. It is a blessing, but an incredibly sad blessing she is not here to see me fighting.

I remember the nurse who was taking care of my mother at the end had mentioned that family members long deceased had been visiting my mom. At one point she mentioned that my mother had asked my grandparents if there was a place for her. Someday, I hope to ask my mother and father the same question. Until that time, I will perpetuate that feisty gene given to me by my mom and fight like hell against prostate cancer and end-stage renal disease.

I love my mom, I miss my mom, and of course Derek misses my mom. I know she is smiling down on us and watching out for us. I am sure my mom was instrumental in wrangling angels to help me in my fight when I was in the hospital. It is a miracle that I am still here, and I intend to use this miracle to help other people in the future.

I love you mom! Happy third year in heaven!